Thanks to a number of different job opportunities, as well as being a generally fickle garbage person with absolutely no long-term life plans, I have been fortunate to travel internationally several times. As a result of these experiences, my trip planning skills have improved significantly. I am an expert at configuring itineraries. If you’ve ever seen one of those conspiracy theory movies where the protagonist has been up for 36 hours straight, subsisting solely on a diet of coffee and cigarettes, and has made an elaborate, intimidating map/timeline using duct tape and strings, then you have some idea of what it is like to live with me when I am planning a trip.
On a recent trip to Mexico, I realized that there are a few things
that never fail to go wrong. No matter how many times I travel and
how carefully I plan, these are the kinks that invariably happen
every time. As a reader of travel blogs, it seems that most travelers
encounter these pitfalls too.
If you are new to traveling they can
sound quite scary. They often paint a most foul picture of some
well-meaning traveler lost in a bad part of down, shit running down
their legs, all while getting a bad deal on a hostel. To this scary
image I say: NAY! Though these “bad things” may be unavoidable,
they really are not that bad. So just calm down, okay? They
definitely should not discourage anyone from taking a trip abroad! In
fact, viewed with the right frame of mind, these 5 “disasters”
can actually add to the experience of traveling the globe.
- You are going to get lost
(Like... Seriously... Where am I?)
As someone who
grew up in the United States, I am used to roads being planned out in
logical, grid-like patterns. Say what you will about the never-ending
nightmare of suburbia, at least grids are easy to navigate!
The rest of the
world is not like this. Throughout Asia, South America, or even
Europe, the odds are strong that you will be traversing through
streets that are hundreds or even thousands of years old. These
cities were not planned out, but grew organically over time. I am
pretty sure that at some point while constructing Beijing, a wizened
old Chinese man accidentally dumped his bowl of noodles on the
blueprints and was too embarrassed to say anything to the builders.
BUT
Getting lost is
not the end of the world. Take a few minutes and orient yourself;
maybe backtrack until you know where you are. Ask someone for
directions! Most people around the world are friendly and all too
ready to help a well-meaning stranger.
On top of all
that, sometimes getting lost can be a blessing in disguise. I cannot
tell you how many times I have found stumbled upon a cute café or an
interesting park I never would have found otherwise. Maybe you’ll
find a curio shop where the mysterious shopkeeper offers to sell you
a small furry animal at a fair price (don’t feed it after
midnight!). The world is full of hidden gems, and you may find the
next great one. Once you find it, be sure not to tell anyone or else
it will get ruined by thousands of rude, weird tourists. Keep that
gem to yourself!
- You are going to get an upset stomach
(What'cha eatin' there, dude?)
I find that this
is what new travelers are the most hesitant of on their first trip.
They are curious to try the local food, but they are terrified of the
dreaded “Delhi Belly” or “Montezuma’s Revenge”. Let’s be
honest, being in a strange country and getting the shits is a scary
prospect. Sometimes toilets in other countries are WEIRD or BIZARRE
or even SMELL BAD.
But guess what?
You are going to have a bit of an upset stomach no matter what. This
has nothing to do with hygiene or food poisoning, it is just that
every country has different bacteria in its food. These little gut
flora, which I like to think of as tiny microbial international
friends, are not going to jive well with the gut flora already in
your stomach. It takes a while for new neighbors to get used to one
another. When you go to a new place you are going to ingest some of
these harmless bacteria, and until you get used to it you may
experience a couple bathroom emergencies. Even if you stick to nice
(and expensive) restaurants or to familiar foods, it is going to
happen.
BUT
Think of it this
way: if it is going to happen no matter what, then you do not really
have to worry about it. You may as well try food that looks more
interesting, is probably tastier, and is almost certainly much
cheaper! It is freeing to think of it this way. Let me tell you, you
haven’t lived until you are in the middle of market day in a city
in south China in July and you are suddenly overcome with the urge to
empty your entire colon. Stripping naked and hovering over a hole in
what is basically a cave in 110-degree heat is character building.
Oftentimes my best
memories of a country are of eating bizarre and tantalizing street
food while sitting on a plastic bucket seat in a hot, crowded market.
There is absolutely no reason to avoid places like for fear of a
stomach ache. If you want a stomach ache-free life you can just stay
at home and eat white bread and mayonnaise three times a day until
you die at the age of 50 due to complications from SEVERE BOREDOM.
The stomach
problems will probably only last for few days, and all you need to do
is take it easy, and maybe scope out the nearest bathrooms for a
while. No big deal!
- You are going to spend too much money on something
(You don't even want to KNOW what the tag on this was)
No matter how
carefully you budget, it is almost guaranteed that at some point you
are going to spend too much money on something. Whether you are not a
pro at bargaining, miscalculate the currency conversion rates, or
simply make an impulse purchase, this mistake is very easy to make.
Numbers are HARD. Some places in the world have markets where there
aren’t even prices written on anything! Imagine that.
Regardless of the
cause, it can be a big bummer when you realize that you accidentally
spent way more than you planned on. If you are on a tight budget,
this can feel devastating. If you aren’t careful you can find
yourself spiraling downward into a pit of second-guessing. You
shouldn’t have come here, you shouldn’t have bought that iced
coffee, you shouldn’t have taken the extra day trip, you should
have just stayed home and become a doctor like your parents wanted,
you were always the problem child anyway, why can’t you be more
like your sister JESSICA, JESSICA ALWAYS DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT,
JESSICA WOULDN’T HAVE SPENT $20 ON A KEYCHAIN… and on and on from
there.
BUT
Take a deep
breath. It is okay! Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
Unless you accidentally dropped $5,000 on a Ming vase, you probably
did not mess up your budget as badly as you think. Perhaps for your
next meal you can just get some street food instead of going to that
restaurant.
This can be a
great learning opportunity. There is no better teacher than
experience. Next time, you will be better at haggling. Next time, you
will double check that conversion rate!
It is also okay
to treat yourself sometimes. We all like to think that we can rough
it forever. We all fancy ourselves as Indiana Jones or Lara Croft,
hitching rides on cargo planes full of chickens and getting into
fights with Nazis over priceless artifacts, but everyone needs to
pamper themselves now and then. Enjoy your costly meal or souvenir,
and resolve to better next time! Do not let it ruin your whole trip.
- You are going to have an uncomfortable interaction with a local
(Wait THIS isn't what I ordered!)
I get it. You
have been practicing your language tapes for weeks. You have all your
verb conjugations down pat. You have made that Duolingo owl into your
bitch. You are SO ready to walk into that convenience store and chat
about the weather while the cashier rings up your snacks. Maybe
you’ll even mention that you like music or films or stamp
collecting, just like in your favorite lesson!
Obviously, it
never goes this well. No matter how prepared you think you are, you
are occasionally going to have an uncomfortable interaction.
Honestly, you will most likely have multiple awkward interactions
every day!
It can be
frustrating, especially if you thought you were fluent before the
trip. It can also be exhausting when every transaction takes twice as
long as it normally would.
BUT
First of all, cut
yourself some slack! You probably have a number of awkward
interactions daily back home. The only difference while traveling is
that you become hyper-aware of everything you are doing. People all
over the world suck at speaking. Think about how often you are in
your home country and you walk into a Chipotle and the person making
your burrito is a quiet, mumbling, unintelligible mess. Think about
the last time you accidentally made eye contact with a postman, and
you had a really uncomfortable conversation where you accidentally
mentioned how much you love bees. Human interactions are hard.
Ultimately, if
you are able to successfully get your point across then you did a
great job. Did you get the food that you intended to order? Then you
are good to go! This is not school; no one is grading you on your
performance. I guarantee that the local you are interacting with will
forget about you within 5 minutes of the encounter because someone
even more awkward than you will have walked in.
Treat every
interaction as a learning opportunity! You will get better over time,
and eventually when you DO have a smooth interaction you are going to
feel even more proud of yourself because of how far you have come.
- You are not going to be able to do everything on your itinerary
(Instead of going to Xochimilco, I made a doggo friend)
This is hard to
sugarcoat, so I will just come out and say it: You are never going to
be able to do every single thing on your itinerary. It just will not
happen.
You are going to
miss a train, or sleep in one day. One night you’re going to find
out that beer only costs $1 at the local bar and you’re going to
completely embarrass yourself and the nation you call home. As you
stumble home, or maybe you are being carried? Who even knows at this
point, you will have the dim realization that any plans you had for
tomorrow are definitely not happening. Whatever the cause, at some
point you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that you
will not be crossing off every single thing on your list. This can
feel like a disaster!
BUT
There is an old
quote that says “Life is what happens when you’re busy making
other plans”. It can seem paradoxical, but going off-schedule can
sometimes be the best thing to happen on a trip.
When your plans
go awry, just go hang out in a park for a while. Taking some time to
sit and let life pass is a great way to get in touch with the local
culture. People watching is a great free activity where you can see
just what makes a city tick. Observe just how awful children are in
literally every society on the planet!
If you do not
have time to do a daytrip to the nearby town, go back and revisit
your favorite location from earlier in the trip. You may catch
something you missed before. Hell, just go back to that bar and put
away some more of those $1 beers. You did such a great job of it last
night. Why not try and beat your record?
It is okay to
head home from a trip with a few boxes unchecked. It is a great
excuse to plan a return trip in the future!
There are plenty of reasons to travel, but it can also be
intimidating. It is scary to think of the things that can go wrong,
and if you are not careful you may talk yourself out of going
altogether. No amount of planning can make a trip completely perfect.
Imperfect trips are better though. They make for much better stories!
Think about how fun it will be when you get home to tell all your
family and friends about that one awkward time in the train station
when you confused the words for “shoes” and “scorpions” and
made the ticket seller cry. Think of how, looking back on it, getting
badly sunburned and then spending the rest of the week in a dark,
cool karaoke bar was wayyyy better than going to museums all week.
Just remember,
perfection is boring. We travel because the world is fascinating and
weird and imperfect. Do not let a few bumps in the road discourage
you from making memories that will last a lifetime.
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